Parenting a toddler can be one of life’s most rewarding experiences. Yet, it is often paired with moments of intense frustration. Many parents are familiar with “terrible twos”, a developmental stage marked by frequent emotional outbursts and defiance. While tantrums are a normal part of a toddler’s growth, they can leave caregivers feeling overwhelmed, especially when they occur daily. Distinguishing between typical toddler behavior and signs that warrant further attention is essential not only for the child’s well-being but also to maintain a healthy family environment.
Here are some examples of typical tantrums compared to concerning tantrums.
| Typical Tantrum Behaviours | Concerning Tantrum Behaviours |
| Normal part of emotional and cognitive development. | May indicate underlying developmental or behavioural concerns. |
| Tantrums occur due to clear reasons (i.e. being denied, frustration, tiredness, hunger, difficulty communicating, etc.) | Tantrums occur due to unclear reasons or easily identifiable triggers. |
| Tantrum should be short lived in duration (i.e. below 10 minutes) | Tantrum is prolonged, lasting longer than typical (10 minutes and more) |
| Behaviours such as crying, screaming, yelling, stomping, throwing items, etc. may occur. | More intense or extreme emotional outbursts such as hitting self, hitting others, property destruction, etc. may occur. |
| Tantrum stops when comforted or when the child’s needs are met. | Tantrum continues despite comfort or intervention. |
| Parents feel that this behaviour is expected and manageable. | Parents feel that this behavior has resulted in high stress, disruption and feelings of helplessness. |
For typical tantrums, it is recommended that parents provide comfort and support emotional learning whereas for concerning tantrums, parents and caregivers should monitor the patterns of behaviours occurring, seeking professional evaluation where appropriate.
Considerations when Managing Toddler Tantrums: A Parent’s Guide
1. Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) Therapy
- ABA therapy, which is also known as Behaviour Therapy, can help any child – without or without autism – who is struggling with emotional regulation.
- ABA therapy Focuses on understanding why behaviors happen and reinforcing positive alternatives.
- Example: If a toddler throws toys when frustrated, ABA teaches them to ask for help instead of acting out physically.
- Benefits:
- Reduces frequency and intensity of tantrums.
- Helps children express emotions appropriately.
- Improves frustration management, social skills, and communication.
2. Professional Support in Singapore
- Pediatricians: Check for developmental or medical concerns.
- Child psychologists: Assess emotional and behavioral patterns.
- Behavioral therapy centers: Offer ABA programs with certified professions (i.e. BCBA/ QBA/ etc.), parent coaching, and tailored interventions
- Tip: Look for centers with certified professionals when searching online for support.
3. When to Seek Immediate Help
- Tantrums involving:
- Self-harm
- Aggression toward others
- Sudden dramatic behavior changes
- Persistent daily tantrums, even if less extreme, need guidance to prevent escalation
4. Practical Parenting Strategies
- Be patient and observant
- Document patterns to understand triggers and behaviors
- Maintain consistency and routines
- Validate your child’s emotions and offer choices
- Use ABA strategies to teach alternative behaviors
5. Key Takeaways
With patience and the right strategies, parents can foster resilience, communication, and emotional regulation in their child
Normal tantrums are common, but intense, frequent, or unsafe behaviors require attention
Early recognition and professional support make behavior management easier
A calm, consistent, structured approach creates a safer, supportive environment